Sometimes we bend to fit into boxes that are too small.
Cinderella dressed in yella,
went upstairs to kiss her fella.
Made a mistake and kissed a snake,
how many doctors did it take?
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, …
I could never figure out why we would want that number to be as high as possible. Never mind, how someone could mistake a snake for a person. But a kid’s turn started after they entered the swinging double-dutch jump ropes. The surrounding group would count every successful hop, up until the inevitable mistimed jump. Then, the chant would repeat and the next person’s turn would begin.
This was a regular morning on my elementary school playground. It is also a good metaphor for my interaction with society most days.
- The rules of the game often do not make sense
- I try my best to follow what is expected
- My feet get tangled easily (I guess that should make Cinderella happy)
- I keep trying because I want to interact with others
The parts that make my life a struggle are often also my biggest strengths. I just have to learn to jump differently, because my neurodivergent traits are some of my best features.
Built in cloak of invisibility
New situations are extremely uncomfortable. Different situations come with different rules. Sometimes the recourse for mistakes is becoming outcast. As much as I can be happy alone, lost in my own world, I do not want to be UN-included from society or social groups.
Not knowing what to do or how to behave encouraged decades of people-watching. Since I was a toddler watching others instead of eating, continuing through my teenager years working summers at a water park, and now living in Las Vegas, I carefully watch the people around me. The quiet person in a room full of new people. Only leaving the comfort of my invisibility cloak when I have confidence about a topic and/or believe that my behavior is appropriate.
I am the person most do not remember attending an event. I was likely there quietly watching, listening and learning.
Attention to detail
Watching the jump rope pattern and players before me would increase my confidence. The more I could observe, the more I thought I could mimic my way through. At times, my observations are incorrect. Most times, I just “fake it ’til I make it,” or burn out trying. The best is when I find myself in situations where more of my authentic-self is welcome: places and people that allow my true talents to flourish without judgment.
Work requires me to organize and fact check data. My attention to detail helps me find errors, conflicts and/or redundancies. My brain is constantly checking to match information, so conflicts stand out and flag my attention. When I find patterns, I use them to make our websites more aesthetic and user-friendly.
My observation powers extend beyond people into nature. Watching animals and insects brings joyful discoveries. Nicknamed Bug Girl as a kid, I lost myself in learning everything I could about some of nature’s misunderstood creatures. Today, my fish aquariums provide live-action screensavers in my office and dining room. They entertain me and provide reasons to further educate myself.
Extreme focus
Motivating myself to start a project can take time. However, once I get started I tend to lose myself in the task. Meal-times may pass by without my remembering there is a need to eat. Large projects may require planning to allow for an uninterrupted span of time. Planned snacks or meal breaks help me stay nourished.
When I find something interesting, I try to learn as much as possible. Work days go smoother when I learn interesting facts and information throughout the day. I enjoy getting engrossed in the little details of life.
Dancing through life
A need to physically release stimulation creates a personalized dance through life. I love to move. I met my husband in a nightclub, after all. Dancing every week was so freeing. Especially, in a place where just moving my feet and feeling the music was enough.
At home, I skip through rooms and leap across objects in the hallway. Sliding across the tile floor in my socks still brings me the same joy it did as a kid. Laundry is more fun when you dance putting the clothes away. Dancing to music or random sound clips floating in my head.
At our last date night out, I found my feet dancing while playing pool at our local bar. Not caring what the people at the bar might think, I was having fun with my husband. Being fluid between shots helped my control improve through the night. Feeling comfortable in my body’s movement.
More features, yet unnamed
We all have features that make us each great. Sadly, many times society and the pressures of neurotypical norms keep some of us from realizing what makes us special. If you made it far enough to read all my thoughts here, I challenge you to reflect on what features make you special.
